A break in Morocco

Sitting in a wine bar in Valencia, Spain within a half hour I had the chef making me special tapas, the bartender pouring me free glasses of wine and the Spanairds next to me toasting me as they ordered another round. It was easy and in moments I’d found my local. Ahhh I remember this feeling. The next day I went back and was treated with equal kindness and as if I had achieved “regular” status. I departed on the way to Morocco with hugs and well wishes. Morocco reminded me that laughter really is the sweetest medicine. And that the deep gut tearing laughter can only come in the company of dear old friends. Really, if you think back to those times that you have laughed and couldn’t stop…..who were you with? Your family and closest friends most likely. With Kay and Suzi we laughed and laughed about the pooffy pants that we simply had to buy and, about lengthy and somewhat inappropriate photo shoots and about the hilarity of it all. And for these moments, and this week with my friends, I felt like myself in a way I haven’t felt lately. I felt funny, I felt beautiful, light, confident and myself. And so then returning to Puglia I ask myself, it is the language barrier that makes me not feel this way here? Partially yes, it is. I cannot rip quick wit and sarcasm like I can with native speakers. Is it having people around me that I play off of with the same background and the same friends? People that have known my experiences and I have known theirs. Yup, it’s definitely that too. But this comes with the territory when you move, no matter where you move. However, there’s something more that is missing. Something that makes me close up and not feel these things. And I’m not sure what it is. While for a time it flowed, right now my energy feels blocked here. Perhaps its that my day to day revolves so heavily around work and not much else. For a while that was fine; Its no longer fine. Perhaps it’s that lately my thoughts are so wrought with money woes, logistical details and life errands that I don’t have space for much else. Honestly, I am tired. Whooped really. I have been trying so hard to make so many things happen lately….and it’s working…. but it feel like I’m slugging through mud. So I’m just going to stop trying so hard and see if that makes a difference. I just want to be here and enjoy it. There is so much to enjoy.